The Life Defining Polarity: Separateness and Interbeing

From the beginning, my work with Active Peace has pivoted around the understanding that the illusion of separateness lies at the root of the insanity and violence that darkens our days and dims our prospects for a livable future. As I wrote in 2016 in Active Peace:

Those of us who grew up in mainstream, Western society are products of a worldview based on separateness. A worldview is an individual’s and a society’s all encompassing view or perception of reality. It forms a guiding narrative that dictates what is valued and noticed and what is not; it is a story that people live by. The individual worldview is unavoidably influenced by the societal worldview, which is shaped over generations by largely unconscious, and therefore unexamined, beliefs, values, and assumptions. 

We have been steeped in a view of reality where living systems such as the Earth and the human body are considered machine-like, and only what can be seen and measured is truly valued. In this worldview, humans are considered separate from, and superior to, the Earth and all of nature, and are thus free to manipulate the world at will.  

This dominant worldview also separates human beings from each other and from our spiritual essence—a separation that contributes to the systemic violence and injustice that shows itself in many ways, including war, torture, the death penalty, racism, environmental degradation, and ever-increasing levels of economic inequality. 

The belief that we are separate from each other, from the Earth and other species, and from spirit is the big lie. It is the ultimate cause of all our suffering.

We can now add to the above the growing understanding of personal, ancestral, and collective trauma as one of the key mechanisms by which disconnection and separateness, at least from other people, becomes lived reality. Wounded and traumatized in relationship with other people, we will only find healing through leaning into our relationships with other people —  reclaiming our power, becoming more conscious,  standing up for all of our needs and longings, and expanding our compassion and circles of care in the process.

The Truth of Interbeing

The big lie of separateness stands in stark contrast to the truth of interbeing. Here again, from Active Peace:

Thich Nhat Hanh coined the word interbeing and I love the way it encompasses the spiritual and practical reality of interrelatedness. We arise from the same source—from the Ground of Being—as part of the great unfolding of the universe. We are not separate from anything that has come before—not our ancestors, not any living thing, not any “thing.” 

On the most practical levels, we come into the world because of, and in full participation and relationship with, the sun, air, soil, and rain—with all of the elements and processes of the Earth and biosphere. Our being also depends on other beings—on other people and species. Everything from the bacteria in our guts, the decomposers in and of the soil, the insects that provide pollination, the plants and animals we eat, to the phytoplankton, trees, and plants that absorb carbon and create oxygen—we are all in it together, interconnected in a web of relationship and interdependence. Interbeing is a basic truth of our existence.

I go on to share some personal experiences of interbeing and how they expanded the sense of who and what I am. It became clear that concepts alone would never override my conditioning — my beliefs and habits of separation. And this is where the illusion of separation and the truth of interbeing co-mingle and where the journey toward authentic maturity leads. 

Working that life defining polarity by challenging ourselves to go deeper and more consciously into our relationships with people, the earth, and the spiritual core of existence is the great work of our time. It’s how we live into the truth of interbeing and discover a true center of gravity, a flow and ease and acceptance of ourselves just as we are.